


Dirty Laundry

by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw



Series: February Ficlet Challenge 2018 [23]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Matchmaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-23 07:53:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13783095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw/pseuds/Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary: In which EDI and Joker play a prank on the rest of the crew, because nobody likes unresolved sexual tension.Pairing: EDI/JokerPrompt: "What did you do with all of my socks?!"





	Dirty Laundry

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by imaginary_golux

“Joker!” Shepard stomped barefoot into the Normandy’s cockpit. “What did you do with all of my socks!?”

“EDI, tell the Commander I didn’t do it,” Joker whinged.

“From a purely objective viewpoint, it is statistically unlikely that Mr. Moreau was responsible for the disappearance of your socks.”

“So, you’re in on it, too.” Shepard glared at them both, arms crossed with frustration. “So help me, those socks are going to be back before the next ground mission.” But they remained silent, swallowing their smirks. 

“Jeff, I do not believe she believed our denial.” 

“Shit, I’m just glad she didn’t punch me. I like having collarbones.” They bumped knuckles gently. “You want to tell everyone, or should I?”

“You start,” EDI decided. “I will trigger the release. The intercom is yours.”

Joker cleared his throat. “Attention, Normandy. It has come to the attention of your humble helmsman that there is an unhealthy level of sexual tension on this boat, and that isn’t good for anybody.”

“Jeff’s piloting efficiency has increased four-point-eight percent since we consummated our relationship,” EDI intruded.

“EDI!” Joker’s next words were lost to the chorus of hoots and hollers coming from the CIC.

“Unto that end, we have endeavored to match up those crew members who have demonstrated latent interest in one another,” EDI added.

“You might say....” Joker drew the word out to maximize the tension, “...that we’re airing your dirty laundry.” With that, a hatch swung open above the CIC, dumping out a horde of knotted together socks.

“You should find your own socks, as well as identify the person whose socks are tied to yours,” EDI continued placidly before cutting the intercom.

“Now we just hope everyone is too busy making out to kill me,” Joker sighed. 

“The cockpit is quite defensible, should it come to that. But I think that the prank will cause more joy than harm.” EDI gazed out the the window for a moment. “Why are organics so bad at expressing their emotions? Surely it would be better to state your intentions, gain information, and move on.”

“Unfortunately, people are cowards. And assholes. And not in the fun way, like me.” 

“I see.” She processed this further. “This appears to be an inelegant solution to the problem of interpersonal relationships.”

“Yeah, well, that’s people for you.” Joker shrugged, then ice ran down his spine. “I really hope we got all those socks right. Some of those Alliance-issue socks look pretty similar.”

“I anticipated this contingency and made sure that the ship’s lounge was fully stocked as of our last departure.” She winked at him. “Among my many lessons, I have learned the value of alcohol as a social lubricant.”

“Really, that’s the important one.”

“I am also hopeful that our friends will experience similar happiness to our own.”

“Aww…” Joker lifted his cap and scratched his head. “I like being with you, too.” Finding himself uncomfortable with the saccharine silence, he cleared his throat. “So, uh, who do you think is going to figure it out first? Javik and Liara?”

“Simulations suggest--” They were interrupted by Ashley Williams and Samantha Traynor. 

“That was terrible. But brilliant.” Sam placed a kiss on EDI’s sleek hair.

“You’re welcome,” Joker called after them. “Take pictures!”


End file.
